Hi friends - sorry for the absence of posts, but I've been avoiding the glare of computer screens due to terrible headaches! Last I wrote, I was awaiting the sentinel node surgery on Friday the 17th. The hardest part of that day was not eating or drinking, so I went into surgery with a horrible headache. I asked my dad to try to find a danish pastry during his rambling walks around the Baylor medical campus - I mean, you can only sit in waiting rooms for so long and he always finds a little cafe tucked here or there!
The procedure begins with a radioactive shot into the tumor a couple of hours before the surgery - no fun there whatsoever! I glowed when I walked out of there...but that was the sheen of sweat from enduring such an invasive procedure! Whew! But this radioactive shot travels to the lymph nodes, providing a road map. From that diagnostic imaging center, we walked over to the ambulatory center for the surgery, where they have their priorities - "payment due when services are rendered" - such a bourgeois statement for such a serious place! But they are very efficient there and got me ready for the procedure. Mom and Dad were there with me waiting in the prep room, which was great because Dad was able to leave and call my sister, who was picking up Caroline at the airport. So I knew before surgery that she was home safe and sound.
Of all the IVs I've gotten in my life, it's amazing that the one prick I had the most pain from was from the actual anesthesiologist. I mean when you put one in, leave it laying flat against the hand for God's sake! Don't lift it perpendicular to the vein! I think he must have had out of town plans for the weekend and it was 5:00 Friday. My dad felt the same way about him.
Anyway, surgery went fine and for the first time in my life - I peed blue! The blue dye they inject behind the nipple after you're asleep also travels to the sentinel node. I remember waking up and asking the surgeon how many samples he'd removed, and he didn't know. Guess he wasn't keeping count. My results would be available the following Tuesday after 3:00. I think I was rather pessimistic about it, feeling assured that the cancer would be found in the lymphs, so waiting was tough.
When my parents were allowed to join me in recovery, my dad had a danish pastry! Man, that sweetness hit the spot! The poor recovery nurse kept upping the pain killer as nothing she was using was working. Finally told her to stop as I didn't want to get groggy and the pain was certainly bearable. The incision is only about 2-3" long, right under the arm pit.
As far as reaction to chemo, my biggest complaints were the GI issues, which had me eating the BRAT diet, so all you mothers know what that means! The headaches I'm not sure about - but I'd wake up several times during the night with them. The other is indigestion and heartburn - reminescent of pregnancy. In fact, a lot of this has reminded me of pregnancy, the ultrasounds, the nausea, heartburn/indigestion, but you don't get a little bundle of joy at the end. In fact, you're destroying life - even if it's unwanted life.
I will say that for a few nights, I took a small bite to eat and put it next to the bed so that when I woke up, I could take a few bites. Seemed to help to not wake up in the morning with an empty stomach. The third morning after chemo, I woke up nauseous. All I can say about that is beware of the bile burp. It's the only time I've vomited with this first round.
I called my surgeon yesterday morning and got the tremendously wonderful news that all my lymph nodes are benign!!! No more surgery to remove those and risk the lymphodema and no radiation therapy on them. What a wonderful relief that was, on multiple levels. I think my biggest concern was the lymphodema, which I'd have been at great risk for. I knew I could deal with radiation, though I didn't want to have to tack on 4-6 weeks of that treatment on the tail end of surgery, but adema you live with the rest of your life. Since I always have an eye on the calender, projecting the time I can join my family, tears of joy were there - well, I can't help it, when my mom cries it makes me cry!
So today is one week and 2 days after round one (do I hear a ringside bell?), and I am feeling much relieved of many of the side effects. Cautiously looking forward to a weekend at my big sister's house in Longview - where I always have such a good, relaxing time. She and her husband Steve have made reservations for us at their friend's Bistro for dinner, which should be really nice to have the four of us there (Stacy, too).
I've heard from so many of the friends I've made from around the world and it's so comforting to know prayers are going forth from so many places. It's a multipronged attack on the heavens! So I thank you all and ask that you keep up the good work - so many have been answered and I still consider myself so very lucky!
I'll leave you when a little story that a friend of ours told me on the phone earlier this week. Ben used to be Bernie's boss when we lived in Europe 20 years ago and we've kept in touch and visited ever since. In fact, Ben went with us last spring on our chartered sailing trip in the Grenadines. He's great people! His wife was fighting cancer back in 2000 for what was fundamentally terminal cancer, and it did kill her. He told me that during chemo he woke up one night at 2:30 to Missy having the dry heaves on the side of the bed. He asked if he could do something for her and between heaving she said no, there wasn't. He woke up at 4:30 to find her again sitting up with the dry heaves. He asked her to please let him do something for her, and she said there simply wasn't anything he could do, but all she could say was that she hoped that damn cancer was as sick as she was. That's the spirit! When Missy died, her daughter Sissi was unknowingly pregnant with her 3rd daughter, who they named Missy - no doubt that spirit lives on!
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